Yesterday I walked down the staircase at my office with the infamous box of belongings in my arms, just barely able to balance it in the crook of my elbows as I turned the door handle of the side exit door.
And for some reason, I felt a niggling sense of shame.
Honestly, there is no reason for me to feel ashamed or embarrassed….I am leaving on good terms with my boss and coworkers, I’ve done good work here, and I have remained engaged and committed to giving my all up until the very last day. (Which, by the way, isn’t actually until…tomorrow. Yes, I am actually crazy. Dear Future Cassady, Next time you make a cross-country move, at least consider giving yourself more than 48 hours to take care of all of those last-minute details that you will inevitably leave until, well, the last minute. Sincerely, Sleep Deprived Cassady)
But even though I am walking away from a good job situation with no regrets, I immediately identified the sinking feeling in my chest as shame. And more than that, I accepted the shame almost subconsciously – I was leaving and something good in my life was coming to an end…doesn’t it make sense that I should be ashamed?
…does it?
Why is there this unspoken rule that endings have to be associated with shame or embarrassment? Where did we get this idea that endings are always negative or bad? Why is it that endings inevitably leave us feeling like we’ve done something wrong or messed something up?
Honestly, I don’t have the mental capacity to answer all of those questions right now because I MOVE TO THE WEST COAST IN THREE DAYS AND THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But I guess I just wanted to pop in here to say this: Endings don’t have to be shameful or bad. An ending is not “proof” that you managed to mess something up after all. This underlying narrative of shame around any kind of ending is nothing more than Satan’s backdoor way of twisting and skewing the good and healthy rhythms of life and death, beginnings and endings that God has ingrained in the very nature of creation. But we don’t have to buy his lies, no matter how insidious they are.
So here’s what I’m saying:
Endings don’t have to be shameful.
They don’t have to be negative.
They don’t automatically equate to failure, on our part or anyone else’s.
Endings are the gateway to new beginnings, and I truly believe it’s possible for them to be beautiful celebrations of all that has been, while also joyfully ushering us into what is to come.
No shame necessary.
So here’s to endings.
Here’s to turning a new page, starting a new chapter, the end of an era, and all the other cheesy cliches about transition that you can think of.
Here’s to changing the unspoken narratives that often have far more power over our hearts than we dare to acknowledge or care to admit.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time for war, and a time of peace.”
I love love love reading all you write!! I have many thoughts about your post; too many for a quick comment. So I will say this: with endings come beginnings some expected, many are not. Some are dreams coming true, some are things we never imagined. Yet through it all God is always faithful and present on the journey! I love reading about your journey!
Thank you so much, Tracy!! It means so much to me that you follow along on this journey with me. My parents tell me that you often ask about me and stay updated on my life through them and it encourages me so much! I agree completely with your short thoughts, and I’d love to hear even more if you get a chance to write them out! I love reading along with your journey as well. 🙂 so grateful for you!
You will do great things girl, even if they are little and only a few know them. You have been wonderful to know and we are ever so grateful for everything you have done for our family. When you come back this way and I know you will even if it is just a visit you can always stay with us.
Thank you so much, Audra!! I’m so grateful to have gotten to know your family over the last couple of years, and I will definitely be letting you know when I come this way for a visit. Please keep me updated on the progress of the house, the boys as they start school, and everything else! You guys will always have a special place in my heart.
Love you Sassidy. Just like a sentence it has to have a punctuation mark to start another sentence…. 😉 I am so blessed that you came along my life…
Yes! Love you, Z. 🙂 I am blessed to have you in my life too!!
I am sooo excited about you moving to San Diego! Your Uncle Gary and I were talking about your move this morning. We so look forward to having you at our Thanksgiving table or to join us for our fun Christmas gatherings when you won’t be able to make it “home for the holidays”. Let us become your “West Coast” go to home. We also love the relatively short drive to San Diego and will be knocking on your door to hit the beach when you have spare time.
I loved this writing, it was particularly timely and it nourished my soul as I accept the endings and embrace the new beginnings in my life this year.
Love you much
Aunt Linda “2”
Reading your comment just now made me SO happy, Aunt Linda! I love that you added the “2” also 😉
Dad and I were on the “Magical Mystery Tour” (as he called it) when I saw that you had posted, and I wanted to make sure and come back to read it. What a sweet gift that moving here for seminary brought me so close to you guys!! I will definitely be taking you up on the offer to make you guys my west coast home! Maybe we can even convince my mom and dad to make the trip out here for a visit. And let’s go to the beach soon!! Remind me when I see you guys to tell you a story about “the new guy”…it’s sure to become a classic Schulte family joke!
OMG! Same. Walked out of my job (2.5 yrs) with the usual plant, photo of dog, smelly good things, random frog statue, etc in a box.
I often feel a tinge of regret since I knew I was leaving for over a month and hired in my replacement. And I feel awful for not having a job lined up which means I am now so very out of control and dependent on others for help once again.
But your blog is timely for my season too. From NC to FL is not as far…but oh the feels.
Thanks for sharing!
I can totally relate to that, Caroline! Honestly, I have felt the weight of regret and shame almost every single time I’ve transitioned out of a job…and I just don’t think it has to be that way! I’m glad this post was timely for you and pray that the Lord would give you joy in learning the gift of dependence again! It’s one of my least-favorite, but probably most-needed lessons of late. There’s nothing like moving to a new state to uncover my own tendency to avoid asking for help! I’m (learning to be) grateful for all that the Lord is teaching me and reminding me of in this season.
All the best to you! Hope you enjoyed your visit to Charlotte the other week. 🙂